Postpartum Sin

Have you ever seen those cutsie moms with their cutsie newborns in the hip slings with their very trendy outfits on? Well, I don’t know about you, but when I was pregnant with Rosie I always noticed them! I knew having a newborn is hard work but how did they look so “put together”? I looked at them, and took a mental picture of how I wanted to be…as would soon be revealed…at the cost of idolatry.
When you have an amazing church family and a newborn, you get lots of meals and visitors. And that’s what I have. When visitors would come over, I always wanted the house to be tidy and even if I was still wearing my maternity clothes, I wanted to look nice. You know, like having a newborn “ain’t no thang.” Even though I was in pain and could hardly sit in any normal position, I didn’t want it to show.  Vanity, my precious idol, was starting to surface.

How did I know that wanting the house to look nice and me wanting to look nice were idolatry? Well, I’d get super stressed out if I knew people were coming over and the living room was messy. I’d get mad at James if he didn’t help me clean up right away. A clean house came before wanting to spend time with God. And when it came to my appearance, I LOVED hearing “you don’t even look like you had a baby” comments-more than I LOVED hearing what God has to say in HIS word.

I really noticed my vanity when one day I started thinking about what I would wear to church my first night back. At first it seems harmless. I mean, seriously, it would be one of my first nights out of the house in a few weeks! But when you weigh what church is really about and what I was excited about, one side was heavier than the other. I wasn’t as excited to hear about Jesus and praise God with His people as I was about what I’d wear. Pretty sad.

I think I still struggle with this. I have to fight my vanity with the truth that I have nothing to boast in, unless it’s in the cross. Because someone far more beautiful and lovely than me looked his worst FOR me. On the cross he was beaten and killed to take away my sins and make a way for me to be near God.

Moms with newborns, take the time to look nice and clean your house (and praise God if you have the time to do those things), but not at the cost of finding more joy in it, than your Savior.

I suppose I will get some comment saying that wanting the house clean and wanting to look nice are not bad things. To that I would agree. But my heart was looking for joy and satisfaction in those things instead of Jesus-and that’s NOT right. Anything good can be replaced with Jesus. It’s not the good things that are bad…its our wicked hearts.


  1. I fully understand Heather. However for me I did not care how the house looked, and i had on the same Yoga pants for days and was happy if i even got a shower in. However, a month or so after Harvey came home from the hospital I found myself starting to worry about the Vanity things too. I would stress and get upset with Kendrick. It is hard and it is a constant struggle. But anyone who has children knows that the fact that you were just able to take a shower means you got it together. :) It will all get easier in time. (it still takes me an hour just to get out of the house)

  2. Heather, your blogs always feed and challenge my heart! I praise God for that! keep it up!
    Also, I have never ever seen a newborn SO beautiful as yours! What a wonderful gift!

  3. Harvey's mom- i didnt know harvey was in the hospital for a month? is he ok now? thanx for the comment.

    Malia- You are so sweet. I'm so thankful God is gracious enough to reveal sin in my heart and not leave me as I am.

    1. He was just in for a week. But it took a lot of adjusting after he got out.

  4. Testimony like this is far more beautiful than any put-together mom or house... your heart is radiant and like I wrote in your card... God will reveal more to you through Rosie and motherhood than you could possibly imagine! It's deep, funny, painful, revealing, but all so good!! Keep striving! ~Jeri Meek

  5. So true. I've been in this position four times over, and God forgive me for being in this place each time. It is wonderful that your perspective is where it is at such a time as this, and I pray that God will bless you for your transparency and honesty with us and yourself. Enjoy each little one, it all goes so fast, and in the end only a few things really matter, especially to God.

  6. I can totally relate even though I don't have a newborn -I put having a clean house as a higher priority than I should at times, neglecting other more important things like having a lonely friend over, or realy listening to Pete, or worshipping God!

  7. Oh Wow thanks for all the replies!

    Jeri- You are SO right! God I'm so thankful that God doesn't leave me as I am and uses Rosie to reveal my sin and His grace! It IS SO good!

    Anon- All glory to God for any transparency of mine. It wasn't an easy post to write. I feel like most newborn stories are always about moms unable to stop kissing thier newborn and tho they say it's hard to not get sleep and things like that I never heard really about specific heart issues that come up while having a newborn, and feel they are important to share, because God is big enough for them. Thanks again for the comment.

    Prof wife- :) It's funny how us humans can place good things like cleaning the house above better things, like loving Jesus. I'm so happy Jesus loves and forgives us sinners.

  8. A wonderful blog, I miss your blog posts, you on right on the money. Kids will reveal how prideful and in need of the Savior parents are. And the way to get the kitchen really clean and orderly is to do it as an act of love for the people who like it that way, for Christ's sake serve others. If no one cares, well, at some point the germs need to be cleaned.